When I complained that other kids got money for doing chores or even getting good grades, I remember our dad used to say, “I want you to be good for nothing!” He thought it was funny. I didn’t think so and soon started going out and finding babysitting jobs. In those days the going rate […]
Making Something Out Of “Nothing”: Patchwork Quilts, Ricotta and Traumatic Growth Read More »
“Two country people were fishing in a river. As they fished and talked, they saw a child floating down the river dangerously close to the rushing waterfall. Fearing the child would drown, one of them jumped in the river and brought the child safely to the bank. But soon there was another child floating down
Pandemic – An Upstream Look At #MeToo Read More »
For me historically, holidays, anniversaries, birthdays and other marked dates that cycled around every year laden with hopes and expectations, fantasies and even magical prayers were always a terrible trap. Particularly those that were supposed to be occasion for lavish and abundant presents. In our family they of course usually were not. I certainly longed
Milestones: Self Reflection, Miracles, and Best Wishes of the Season Read More »
People, Place, and Brain In our apartment building in New York, everyone seemed to have numbers on their arms, sad eyes and thick German accents. My great Aunt Gertrud would take me to the park in my stroller. She called me a “dickopf “ (fathead) because I was such a “terrible eater” right from the
Wanting, Longing and the Conundrum of Need In the attachment literature Berkeley luminary Mary Main eloquently describes the “dilemma without solution.” For this bereft infant the source of safety and the source of terror, reside in the same person, who happens to be the most important person in the world: the primary parent. As every
Pleasure to Meet You Read More »
I worked at the San Francisco VA for one year to the day. It was March, 1989-1990. I remember it well because it was the year of the historic San Francisco earthquake. I was definitely not cut out for that work, but I definitely recommend that any trauma therapist do a stint at a VA
Existence – Triggering, Pronouns and Learning from Experience Read More »
Neglect, Being Wanted, A Place to Belong Some years ago, I was asked to be a main presenter at a weekend Institute of the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) to teach about trauma and sexuality. I was thrilled. It was my first time ever being invited in that public of a
Mistakes, Butterflies and Potholes I have a special affection for leopards. As I love to say, “you know the old adage ‘A leopard can’t change its spots?’ Well, I can. And I change my spots every chance I get.” Healing is all about that. The “Decade of the Brain” and neuroimaging technology taught us that
When I was barely more than a toddler, living in Manhattan, I learned a very big word: restitution. My parents, both survivors of the Nazi Holocaust, had not lived in this country too long. It was 1959. We lived in a large, old brick apartment building, where all our neighbors seemed to have numbers on
George Floyd – Restitution, Apology and Forgiveness Copy Read More »