When I started therapy in 1978, long before many of my readers were born, our mom muttered bitterly, not quite under her breath, “…the ‘blame your mother’ generation!” I have no idea why I even told her. From then forward, my therapist ever retained her reign as “public enemy number one.” Blame is not my […]
Motherlode of Neglect: Refrigerators, Helicopters, Tigers Read More »
Our dad passed shortly before the pandemic of Covid-19 struck. What a blessing that was, as it would have been hell for him and for all of us to go through. The final couple of years, and worsening over the last months, he was increasingly vacant and absent, barely “there.” It was hard to tell
With or Without You: Breakdown, Parent Loss, Peace Read More »
The child of neglect, often virtually from the point of conception, floats in a sea of solitude. Like a fish, the water may not even register, as it can seem “natural” or the norm, the absence of attachment being all that is known. Attachment, however, is not only a birthright – it is nature’s design.
The Power of One: Shrugs, Defensiveness, Being a Soloist Read More »
From seemingly out of nowhere, into my mind popped the theme music from Captain Kangaroo. I have no idea why; I had not thought of it in years – certainly not as long as I can remember. I always have a song in my head, but usually I am aware of the stimulus. I never
Enough! Jealousy, Islands, Sharing Read More »
(Warning: this story may contain content that is disturbing to some readers.) As the world reels from the recent death of a young Iranian woman at the hands of the “morality police,” I heard a recent interview with another young woman who was stopped, but thankfully not detained, for the “incorrect” wearing of the hijab,
“Justice, Justice Shall You Pursue”: Hijabs, Concentration Camps, A Baby Girl Read More »
When we went to hear football legend Jerry Rice speak about Black History Month a few years ago, what struck me perhaps the most was the immense size of his hands. Getting my picture taken with Number 80 was a thrill, and having his arm around me momentarily for my photo op reminded me of
Coming Up Roses: Bricks, Crocuses, Butterflies Read More »
In the many years that I have been studying childhood neglect, I have often been struck by how many clients, particularly men, come in toting a diagnosis of ADD or ADHD. To them, and also their frequently impatient or frustrated loved ones, it seems accurate, with their loose or sluggish focus, perhaps forgetfulness, failure of
The Real “Attention Deficit”: Ritalin, Hand Grenades, Good Medicine Read More »
I remember when I was quite young, our mom’s stern voice and annoyed expression, saying, “You are always walking around this house with a long face. You need to have more fun!” As far as she was concerned, I had no reason to be anything but cheery and bushy-tailed. Although I subsequently had plenty of
Learning to Fly: “Fun,” Rhythm, Child’s Play Read More »
In June in San Francisco, the city is more colorful than ever, with rainbow flags billowing gaily in the wind. We live blocks from the famed Castro District, which is community and home to a large number of LGBTQ inhabitants. June is Pride Month, and for the last two years of the pandemic, festivities of
Gracias a La Vida Disowned, The Attachment Bond, The Other Side of the Coin Read More »
Last week I had a (for me) truly strange experience. While sitting quietly and alone in my psychotherapy office, out of nowhere, I had a wild dizzy spell. I say “wild” because the room was whirling at such a speed as to be but a blur of splattered color. I had never experienced anything like
Sick and Tired – Neglected Illness, Parental Illness, The End of the Day Read More »